Books are Bad! (September 9th 1852)

That goldang filthy liar Harriet Beecher Stowe! She done wrote a book saying that we done here in the South are a bunch of abusive and irresponsible racists that beat and abuse our slaves! Uncle Tom's Cabin she calls it, hogwash I say, hogwash, there ain't nothin bad about what I'm doing down here! What I want to do with my property is my own business and nobody can tell me what I can and cannot do with it. If I was to go and hit my couch with a whip people wouldn't say a thing, just look at me funny, but now here I go and hit my other property, slaves, with a whip and now suddenly it's a bad thing, and I should be punished and what knot. Well guess what? My nephew just published a book about how life really is for slaves down here in the south, I mean we ought to know seeing as how we are down here and Stowe ain't!